Apr 232013

Many things change when you become a parent:  your sleep schedule, your tolerance for smelling poop, and your hair color to name a few.  But the biggest change comes in the form of your possessions–the fact that you no longer have any.  The baby products take over your man-cave.  Trucks, dinosaurs, and Barbies litter the living room.  And, somehow, Lego blocks end up in your bedroom, right where you plop your feet down.  The truth is, once you have kids, you can’t have nice things.

Why We Can’t Have…

A Dog:  Because Acne Cream doesn’t work like shampoo.


A Sports Car:  Because over-crowding and flying elbows are a problem…


…also, those stains.


A Laptop:  Because Q, A, S, and you’re out of Ctrl.


A Yard-Toss Game:  Because after twenty minutes of trying to untangle your mess, I opted for scissors.


Puzzles:  Because Penguins shouldn’t be skinned.


Potted Plants on the Floor:  Because not all trees should be climbed.



Fish:  Because the oil in croutons is deadly to them.


Nice Furniture:  Because teething.


Lamps:  Because you almost burned our house down.


Nice Clothes:  Because Ice Cream.








I wish this was the end of the post, but I have a solid seven-years worth of pictures I could comb through for more material.  Also, I doubt the kids are done destroying things.  Be sure to check out The Parenting Dad on Facebook for updates on how the children are ruining the things I love.

  8 Responses to “Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”

  1. I shouldn’t have laughed at those. I really, really shouldn’t have laughed.
    If it’s any consolation, you get to spend their teenage years reminding them of their misdeeds at the most inopportune moments – in front of the attractive person of the opposite gender they are trying to impress for instance.
    I think that’s enshrined in law somewhere.

  2. Too funny, and boy, can I related. I’ll never forget the day I finally traded in my grape Capri Sun and rancid chocolate milk stained HOnda Odyssey for a real adult car with nice leather seats. Love all the pics!

  3. Let me tell you about vengeance! So don’t worry for now, it will work out even in the long run. These are the rules:
    You continue to love and pamper those kids, in fact, spoil them rotten. As they get older they will love you the more for doing so, then one day they will realise that you are old and need some help. That’s when you begin to ‘play up’. Act like you’re going crazy, act like you don’t know what you are doing anymore. Poop on their lovely carpet, throw food on their brand new sofa, drop chocolate ice-cream in their nice shiny new cars. Do you get the gist mate? They will see you as their loving father who is losing his marbles and you will see them as the kids who took your liberty, ha ha ha ha ha

  4. Never a dull moment with the daring little creatures… Looks like you have a very patient dog at least!

    • Yes, she is amazing with the kids. All dogs may go to heaven, but there will be a special place for her.

  5. oh my goodness, I couldn’t help but smile – then I totally LOST IT with the crutons in the fish tank. Oh, my. Thank goodness those little ones are so cute, right? Did human baby teeth really do that???? Oh, MY!!!!


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