Jumping in to the SAHD (Stay At Home Dad) world was a big shock. While nothing could have prepared me for it, there were a few things I did expect–lack of sleep and constant demands to name a couple. However, there were a couple of things that I never saw coming. Witness the Rise and Fall of a SAHD.
The downfall of the stay at home dad comes in the form of what I like to call “The Hygiene Dip.” Basically, you become a slob. For those of you that work Monday through Friday, consider your hygiene on Saturday and Sunday. Women might not be able to relate, but I imagine most guys know what I’m talking about. Mon.-Fri. you wake up, take a shower, put on deodorant, brush your teeth and head out into the real world. On Saturdays, you sleep in a little, scratch yourself, skip the shower (you don’t have anywhere to go) and start watching some television.
Imagine you don’t have anywhere to go all week long, at least, nowhere important. I’ll make a run to Wal-Mart now and then, but it’s not like I have to impress anybody there with a finely combed hair-do or a mountain-spring fresh scent. So, what’s the point of showering? Greasy hair can be fixed with a hat and any stench can be blamed on the baby.
Hygiene hits its lowest point when you stop wearing socially acceptable pants, i.e., sweats. I started out my At-Home role wearing jeans everyday. This in itself is a hygiene issue. Some people (for example, every woman on the planet) think you can only wear a pair of jeans one day. Not true says I. Jeans are good for at least three days, maybe four if there are no visible stains.
Eventually, I made the switch from jeans to sweatpants. I’ll occasionally slap on some jeans, but nothing beats a pair of comfortable sweats. I’m talking about sweats so comfortable that you almost turn your wife down for a lunch date because you don’t want to put on jeans. It’s a true story. This may be the one thing that saves me yet–I haven’t worn them out in public.
However, I have no shame in wearing them outside to get the girl on the Pre-K bus. I fear the bus is like a gateway drug that will lead me to wear sweats on short trips and errands. The next thing you know, it’s date night and we’re sitting at the Olive Garden with Fettuccine on my fork and sauce on my Russell Athletics.
I really want to end this post on a high note, but unfortunately, “The Rise”, much like “The Fall” is bad news for house husbands. The only rise I’m talking about is the rise in my weight. You’d think that with all of the running around, chasing kids, picking up toys, and two-player games of Duck, Duck, Goose, I would lose a little weight. Not true. My job in the “real-world” may have been less active, but at least it kept me out of the kitchen.
I’ve mentioned before that kids are hungry and they ask you for either something to eat or drink every five minutes. When my kids eat, I eat. And, while their little bodies burn fat like crazy, mine doesn’t. My appetite is the same one I had in high-school, but my metabolism has grown up, moved out, and had kids.
I’ve packed on at least twenty pounds since going from a full-time job that makes me money to a full-time job that makes me crazy. Now you know the real reason behind my switch to sweatpants.